Today was a trying day at work. I was really tired despite getting 8-hours of sleep–I’m sure that the burger and fries for lunch didn’t help–and though I had work to do I just couldn’t get to it for some reason. The problem is, this isn’t as random as it is regular for me. A friend and I came up with an analogy for our work ethic. We said that if we could measure our work ethic on a Destiny’s Child scale that we would each fall somewhere between Kelly and Michelle.
But to be honest, I am a little more Solange than I am Kelly or Michelle–at least they work. I feel like I am coasting sometimes and it is not because I don’t want to work harder, it’s because somehow I am incapicitated and lack the ability to work really hard toward something because subconciously I am used to things being handed to me.
This is tough because while I haven’t been working as hard as I could be, God is still extending his grace and he is blessing me. Now that’s what I call favor! When you don’t even deserve it but he shows up anyways!
Now I am thinking about the fact that I need to try harder in a few parts of my life. At work I have to try harder to churn out the many projects I pitch in a timely manner. I know that I have greatness within me and if I worked at full-capacity to that greatness God put in me I would be virtually unstoppable. Personally, I have to present myself better–and maybe if you know me you’re thinking no!–but I feel like I could step my game up a couple of notches. Last week in Bible Study the pastor asked “Is what you are doing now inching you toward what you want from God?”
In many respects my answer to that question would be “no.” Yesterday I vented about my singleness, so clearly I desire a helpmate, but currently I don’t believe I am doing what I need to do in order to position myself for that person. One day I’d love to not work, but in order to get there I have to be a good steward over what I’ve been given right now.
It’s been difficult swallowing this bitter pill, but I think half of the battle is acknowledging that I know I can do better. Last week I heard something profound in regards to the Christian walk–actually it was the same Bible Study–that we are always straining, pressing and pushing to get to the next level. In the words of the great Frederick Douglass, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” I get it now…