The Loudmouth Protestant

September 19, 2007

Confronting Your Ghost

Filed under: God,life,love,relationships — nickisym @ 12:19 am

A few weeks ago I mentioned someone in my past who has been showing up in my dreams. I’ve had countless conversations about this person to close friends who have given me mixed advice about what to do. Well actually I don’t ask for advice because there are no action items which need to be activated, but this doesn’t stop people from sharing their thoughts.

Nevertheless, my last conversation about this person occured on Saturday night over dinner with one of my dearest friends in the world. Over a bowl of Chelsea “she-she” mac & cheese, I confessed to her that I believed that my thoughts of this person were consuming me and becoming a stronghold. I admitted that I prayed about this and that I wished an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless” machine existed so that I could erase my memory of the person. She asked me if I ever thought about the bad things that he did to me and I said not as much as I think about the good times–because really why would I focus on the bad times.

She finally conceded and told me that I would probably never forget him and that he might remain in my thoughts forever because he meant that much to me. This is just the role that lost loves play in the lives of men and women. I dried my eyes and I accepted the word from my friend because I know she wouldn’t tell me anything to lead me astray.

Fast forward to this evening…I was supposed to finish packing for my best friend’s wedding weekend but I got sucked into the “Sex and the City” syndication trap. Tonight’s re-run was about Carrie being haunted by her former relationship and the episode following stayed in theme and dealt with what happens when one really “gives up the ghost” and acknowledges that they are still interested in their former.

So of course this is all pretty poignant. It’s not to say that I am making an admission here because I am not. I could never go back on the work that God did heretofor because I watched the wrong episode of SATC. But my admission is that I did feel something for someone long ago and I am just realizing that it was “something” that I felt. I’d spent a very long time after dissolving my non-existent relationship with him in denial. I refused to properly grieve the situation which is probably why I am faced with the situation right now.

Nevertheless I found it to be interesting how the episode mirrored my own thoughts for the past couple of weeks and put words to what I have been unable to put words to. He’s a ghost. And I have to choose to confront it and banish it or let it hang around, haunt me and muck things up. I know we all have ghosts. But what are we all doing with them? Be honest.



  1. I think you’ve already said what we need to do: be honest with ourselves. And grieving is a must. I’ve experienced romantic interests talking about their ex in the present tense. Tension. Contention.

    Another important discipline we must excercise is forgiveness. Forgiveness and that feeling of forgiveness is a powerful thing.

    Comment by Jay — September 20, 2007 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  2. ‘Tis very true Jay, forgiveness is in order for this one. I am not sure I’ve actually forgiven him or myself so how could I have really moved on. Like I said, I just put it on the back burner and acted like it didn’t exist, but clearly that didn’t work for very long.

    Comment by loudmouthprotestant — September 20, 2007 @ 1:21 am | Reply

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