The Loudmouth Protestant

September 27, 2007

The Truth Hurts…

Filed under: friends,life,randomness — nickisym @ 10:23 am

There is something that I must tell a friend but everytime I say I will I can never find the words to say it. The trouble is, I am more concerned about hurting the person’s feelings and that means much more to me than the resolution of the problem. I’ve had countless opportunities to broach the topic and I’ve talked to God about it many times over but still I can’t find the words to say.

I’ve spoken to others about the situation and they tell me I am not being a good friend, but they too are privy to the problem and not saying anything about it so they can classify themselves the same. People make the excuse of not knowing the person that well but they know the problem very well. People make seniority in time known a case when they’ve had much tenure with the problem. At this point no one is excused. This past weekend a friend told me that we are to be good stewards over everything including our friendships and that hit me hard. After hearing that, I purposed in myself to tell the person. I set the day and the time and even had a rough draft of how I might say it. But when the day came I was rendered speechless.

You see, people believe it is so easy to tell a friend the truth. They say “Just do it.” But what they forget is how much the truth hurts. Sure it is for their benefit in the end but I personally cannot bear the burden of hurting someone’s feelings like that. It almost makes me feel as if I am not the chosen one to break it to the friend because I have sought divine counsel for this situation.

I just don’t know anymore. Am I taking it too seriously? Do I just man-up and do it? Or am I justified in being concerned about my friend’s feeling before the resolution for the problem?



  1. Hmmmm. Is this what I think it is? I say, woman-up and do it. A true friend will still be a friend, even if his/her feelings sting for a bit. I think the way you do it is key. Perhaps you can begin preparing the ground through prayer? Not just for the right words to say, but for his/her ears/heart to hear in the right spirit.

    Comment by PraisePurpose — September 29, 2007 @ 10:21 pm | Reply

  2. Believe me that if I say nothing I am praying lots for the resolution.

    Comment by loudmouthprotestant — September 29, 2007 @ 11:59 pm | Reply

  3. Your conflict can be explained by the way we are all raised. So many Sesame Street episodes, so many teachers and parents, telling us to be honest…But then as you grow older you watch how everyone interacts, and you see that to be DISHONEST is to be polite. You hear so much cotton candy it becomes the norm. Hearing your mother tell her friend that her outfit DOES look good, seeing how the most popular people give out the most false compliments…By the time you are an adult you are almost like a politician. So where do honesty and etiquette part ways? Doing the right thing does not always feel right. In fact, in this instance it will feel wrong. So you must look at the bigger picture…What is the greater good? The end will justify the means. Like a parent being disliked after they teach their child a lesson, you must tell him the truth and risk losing your popularity with your friend…But when he ‘grows up’ and time has passed, he will appreciate that you did what most could not bring themselves to do. Everyone would say you should tell the truth, it’s too bad that we all lack the courage of our convictions.

    Comment by Kristen Copeland — September 30, 2007 @ 6:23 pm | Reply

  4. It’s really hard to say without knowing what you want to say. I have learned to pick and chose what I tell people but if the LORD has put it on your heart to mention this then you owe it to God and your friend to say something. One of the scriptures that I lean on during times like this is the following: Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Assuming that God has told you to share your concern with the friend, I suggest that you speak to them in person and begin and end the conversation with a prayer. ASK the Holy Spirit to guide you and to give you the words. If you allow Him to, He will. Hopefully, the person knows you enough to know your heart– and that you would never intentionally hurt him or her. I know the “heart” of my friends (and hopefully they know mine) so when they tell me things, I may walk away hurt but ultimately I know that what they are saying is for my own good.

    Comment by Harlem Esquire — October 1, 2007 @ 11:33 pm | Reply

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