The Loudmouth Protestant

March 7, 2008

He’s Back

For the first time in 2008, the star of my dreamscapes has decided to make a cameo appearance. This time I faintly know why he was in my subconscious. It was mainly because I happened to see him on the latest social network craze and I let technology kill the cat. So yesterday evening when I finally lay me down to sleep it went a little something like.

I was at a friend’s house party of sorts. I recall there being two-floors in her home and I was navigating my way through the house until I settle on a position in the kitchen behind the counter. There I was leaning on the countertop and who was directly in front of me on the floor with a young lady but the man of the hour. Though I was leaning on the counter and talking to a friend it seemed that my attention was focused on him and his attention was focused on the young lady he was on the floor with. The girl was attempting to show affection to him via putting her arms around him or giving him kisses on his cheek but he declined every advance that she made. He mushed her in the face, he pushed her away, he did everything in his power to keep her away but she wasn’t taking a hint. I was watching and not watching this all go down.

Nevertheless I ended up sitting on the floor near them chatting with my friend and in the blink of an eye the entire room turned into an orgy. (I kid you not!) One second everyone was laughing and chatting and the next every single person in the room was on top of each other including the star. Well as soon as I saw this, I got up and I left the house because I was devastated. I was shattered into pieces. And that was the end of the dream. Fade to black.

So when I woke up this morning I was distraught. This always happens to me after vivid dreams. They get into my spirit and they make me sad. I was sad because he came back and sad because even in the dream he chose to be with someone else. I thought I was over this I told God as I prayed this morning and I prayer that this moment would pass as quickly as it came and that he would help me to guard my heart, my mind and my eyes in the days to come. With that I went on my way and I didn’t put much thought into it after that. I decided that I wouldn’t spend anymore time thinking about it or talking about it until God spoke to my situation through a Myron Butler song. Now some of you may know how desperate I was to get the CD last year and I finally relented and bought it on iTunes. Well I am so thankful that I did because it got me through today. God showed himself to me through track number 2 on “Stronger” which is entitled “More Than You’ll Ever Know.” The moment when God shook me out of my subconscious funk happened when I heard this:

Before the world was formed
Before the beginning of time
I had plans for you
You were on my mind
Close to my heart
From which you’ll never go
More than you’ll ever know

If ever you doubt
Or if you are unsure
Know that my love for you
Will always endure
More than a friend
To my love there is no end
More than you’ll ever know

I came to earth for you
I gave my life for you
My best to you I did show
So you would know
That I love you more
More than you’ll ever know

(The Chorus)
Yes, I love you so
In case you didn’t know
I gave my life
To show that I
Love you more
Than you’ll ever know

(The Vamp)
My love for you is unconditional
My love for you is kind
My love is patient and true
I love you
I love you
I love you
Yes I do

After I heard those words, my eyes began to well up with tears because I knew God was speaking to me. I knew he was telling me that no man can put asunder His love for me and He can love me like no one could. And in that moment I believed it fiercely and I knew it to be true that God is an awesome God.

He is so awesome because while most of my friends wouldn’t be able to understand why I am still stuck on this and could only offer me lackluster words of solace, God knows exactly what I need to hear. This is why I love Him so. This is why it is even okay that my star pops up from time to time because he is in humanness reminds me that while we are prone to make mistakes and disappoint one another, there is one person that is above it all. He even ordains those heart-breaking situation. Yes, I love you so God, in case you didn’t know. Though I don’t always show it, I do love you more than I’ll ever be able to show.

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