The Loudmouth Protestant

September 26, 2008

“Because We’re In A Recession”

Since we are on the brink of “The Greatest Depression” I figured that we have got be entertained by our plight somehow. So, utilizing my dark sense of humor, I’ve come up with what I hope will be the running joke of the next few months. It’s a simple response to other people’s simple requests playing off of our economic climate. I think the best answer to anyone’s question within the next few months should be, “Because we are in a recession.” So here are some situations where it can best be utilized:

Mr. Massengil: John, can I see you in my office?
John: No
Mr. Massengil: Why not?
John: Because we are in a recession.

Mr. Massengil: John, did you get the new TPS report I sent last night?
John: Yes.
Mr. Massengil: Why didn’t you use it?
John: Because we’re in a recession.

Mr. Massengil: John, we are going to have to let you go.
John: You can’t do that.
Mr. Massengil: Why not?
John: Because we’re in a recession.

I could go on but I have a job I’d like to keep. But just to let you know, “Because we are in a recession,” is not just your response to work-related questions. Try it out the next time someone you don’t like asks you out on a date. Or your pastor asks, “Can I get a witness?” Or someone asks you to dance. Or when the cashier at McDonald’s asks if you’d like some ketchup. Just remember kids, recession is more than the state of our economy. It’s a state of mind. So if you’re going to be a full participant in it, you may as well get a laugh or two in while you wait for your bank to be acquired by a bigger greedier company.

For other recession-related humor, check out Gawker’s “Five Reasons This Depression Really Is Going to Be Fun” list.

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4 Comments »

  1. […] about those “recession specials” at restaurants. The Loudmouth Protestant blogger (a disgruntled Washington Mutual client) has come up with a great way to put a positive […]

    Pingback by how to make the best of the recession at save the assistants — September 26, 2008 @ 1:09 pm | Reply

  2. Can this be the official excuse for the chronically cheap? Now when I get water at restaurants instead of a real drink I can say “it’s a recession’. Or when I go straight to the sales racks at discount stores…Or when I reuse plastic cups…’It’s a recession!”

    Comment by Kristen Copeland — September 26, 2008 @ 2:43 pm | Reply

  3. Who the heck cares about The Joneses anymore! The Joneses’ homes are in foreclosure and our kids are being raised in a society that believes you’re only worthy of a slot on primetime television if you’re rich. Gossip Girl. 90210. Privildege. The Hills. The Real Housewives of Orange County…New York…new-money Atlanta. Enough! Bring back Seventh Heaven.

    Comment by Judith — September 26, 2008 @ 4:13 pm | Reply

  4. My husband and I went to the outlets yesterday. I’ve always loved outlet shopping… and Orlando has tons of it! We noticed a brand new Rolls Royce Phantom in front of Saks Fifth Avenue’s outlet store. When whoever is driving that car is buying their Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana from an OUTLET… it must be because “we’re in a recession!” 🙂

    Comment by andrealoper — September 30, 2008 @ 12:05 am | Reply


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