The Loudmouth Protestant

June 9, 2009

He’s Just Not that Into You

Filed under: God,life,love,relationships — nickisym @ 1:28 pm
Tags: ,

being in a relationship right now.

So it feels like it has been relationship month here at the Loudmouth Protestant and I’ve got to believe everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason why the talk of relationships, who’s doing it right and who’s doing it wrong has been all up in my frame of reference for the last couple of days. I had the good fortune of happening upon a great blog post entitled “Why You Can’t Find a GOOD Man“. The blogger, David, a married man of God living in Atlanta, really laid the whole “There’s no good men” theory to rest and gave women some food for thought to change their perspective while they are out in the real dating field. So, I forwarded David’s isms to a few friends and most believed they were on point, but only one brought it back to the heart of the matter. My friend said that the list complicates things more than necessary because it makes single women believe they are at fault for their singleness when in actuality it might have nothing to do with them and everything to do with God not having that for them at this point in time. Eureka! Duh! Hello cousin! What was I thinking?

Sure, the list is really great and it points out some of the roadblocks that women in the dating world run into, but it doesn’t take into account that maybe the roadblocks are not natural but spiritual. (The light is shining so bright on this one right now.) So women down there in Atlanta, up here in New York, over there in Los Angeles, and at the bottom in Miami are trying to figure out what is wrong with them when everything could be right with them and it’s just not God’s timing. Now this is still taking into account that we are all works in progress and God is still working on us. But, being a women who has it together, is sucessful, intelligent, has a strong spiritual foundation, is well-rounded, attractive and hilarious, I know first-hand that the reason why I am single is may not so much tied up in the things I’m not doing–like not trolling the streets for men or making myself readily available to those within my reach–but the fact that my heavenly Father has a much bigger plan for my life, the single one and the one where I will be partnered up with my helpmate. 

I know it’s tiring to say it’s not in God’s will for you to be in a relationship, but when you look at your dating missteps, the ones that happened because you were out there on your own getting up, getting out, and trying to get something, you have to realize that maybe God is allowing all the fumbles and fouls because those players are not who He has for you. I’ve commiserated with a very close friend about how I’m totally tired of hearing about everyone else’s love story. Tired of meeting all the wrong people and wasting emotional energy on these men who I thought would amount to something but they didn’t. But then I realized that my God is so big and so bad that He has to be planning something that will blow my mind and blow everyone else out the water. This isn’t about competition but about the fact that while we are striving for ourselves and trying to reach for relationships out of our own futility we are only going to get what our human mind’s can conceive. But if we were to really sync up with God, consecrate ourselves to His service and just be caught up with Him, we wouldn’t even have a moment to be concerned about our singleness. And when I say consecrate, I mean that we should consecrate ourselves for the duration of our singleness and get with God to let Him mold us into the woman He wants us to be for the man He has for us. The reality of the situation is, God already has our mates. You know that saying, “It’s already done.” It is! Because God is omnipotent and knows every detail of our lives from start to finish He already knows who it’s going to be. So no amount of trying on our part will change it–unless we are so adamant about the “do-it-yourself” approach that we miss what He has for us. 

So, I say all of this to say, don’t spend inordinate amounts of time thinking your singleness is your fault and there is something you’re not doing right. There is no single list that will answer the question of why you are still single. But there is one single being who can answer that question. So take this time to rest in God and listen for what He would have you to do in this season of life. Rest in Him and listen to what He wants to tell you about yourself and the things He would have you to change to prepare you for your mate. Get caught up in God. Fill up–even more–on Him. Be so very consumed with him that you have a one-track mind and tunnel vision that only sees Him. And do this not to distract yourself, but to consume yourself with His presence. Live on a ravenous diet of God and just really get into Him so that He can get into you and change you, for His sake, and the sake of whom He will send to you.

He may not be that into you being in a relationship now, but if He has put the desire in your heart, He will make it come to pass in His perfect timing.



  1. Very well said. And I agree. I think I addressed what you said in 2 of the points from my post. I said to #5. STOP LOOKING. This is where the timing comes into play. The other point where I addressed in point #2 where I say to be busy about life. When a woman who “has it all together” is busy about life she is going to run into the plan of God for her life… in the timing that you mention.

    By the way, a couple people read the blog and consider it a checklist. It’s not. All the points are mutually exclusive they are more for people who “THINK” they have their act together and really don’t. Not the person who actually is as put together as the woman you mention here.

    Thanks for the shout out. GREAT post!

    Comment by davidisms — June 9, 2009 @ 8:50 pm | Reply

    • Yeah you totally did address those and I meant to mention that but in my stream of consciousness of writing this post I just didn’t get it in. But I totally received your message, just want to make sure that people also recognize that it’s not always about them and more about God. By the way, I love your blog. Good stuff! Thanks for stopping by!

      Comment by loudmouthprotestant — June 9, 2009 @ 9:10 pm | Reply

  2. First time reader. Life-long Baptist. 🙂 I struggled with this until last year. In every relationship I assumed it was me after it ended and I ran to the bookstore and bought every Christian self help, dating book I could find. I stopped reading those a year ago. I started noticing a pattern. Since God knows me (better than I do) and knows I wouldn’t back away from the men who were not for me since I really really really want to be married…he simply removes them. No joke. It’s almost laughable. When I say remove I mean screeching halt…moving to another part of the country, etc. I know sometimes it’s me but after praying about it I know sometimes it’s not. Now I realize whether it’s me or them…it’s not God’s time. And seriously looking back…God definitely knew better.

    Comment by Anetra — June 16, 2009 @ 8:56 am | Reply

  3. I havent been on your site for some time…is that “friend” that you mentioned me 🙂 If so, I am glad that our exchange provided some food for thought. I actually posted those thoughts on his blog and he was receptive to my point of view. This is a great post as always. Miss you!

    Comment by Harlem Esquire — June 30, 2009 @ 8:45 pm | Reply

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