The Loudmouth Protestant

September 4, 2009

You’re My Little Secret…in Church

Filed under: christians,church,love,relationships — nickisym @ 9:14 am
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Earlier this week I was having a discussion with my roommate about romantic relationships in the church. Specifically, people’s need to keep their relationships secret until they announce their engagement. Why is that necessary? I’m not knocking the process and truth be told, I may do the same thing. But I want to know why people find it necessary, almost like it’s a part of some unofficial protocol, to keep their relationships within the church a secret.

I have heard from some people that they keep it secret because they don’t want the haters intercepting their relationship, but really, if it’s a relationships that God ordained, no man can put it asunder. All this coming in separate cars, walking in at different times, sitting on opposite sides of the church, and the like seems tiring.

Some people stay undercover because they are still trying to figure out what they are. Ok, that’s fine, but in the midst of trying to find out what you are to each other, wouldn’t it be helpful to let some folks know so at the very least they can offer wise counsel and pray for you?

I think that people think that as soon as they get into a relationship in the church they automatically think people are going to be in their business. Not just people, an entire congregations worth. Maybe I am naive, but I just don’t believe that many people care. Yes, there will be naysayers and there will be people who will still try to try their luck with you, but I know we are all stronger than our adversaries. Who cares what other people think about your relationship? Outside of your pastor, your parents and your closest friends, everyone else’s opinion is inconsequential.

And maybe there is something I am missing, like a Bible verse that says when a man and woman meet and date in the sanctuary they should hide it from the world outside of them until that time when God has let them know that it shall be a union in marriage. I don’t know. It’s just one of those things that makes me go, “Hmmm…”

Plus, when men and women who are dating each other, don’t at least send a smoke signal that they are in a relationship–like the ones who are dating but have yet to change their Facebook status to “In a Relationship” they are deceiving us single folks that are still looking at them like there is some hope. So if not for the haters, let folks know you are dating–we don’t have to know who–but just let us know so we can keep it moving.

But really, can someone explain to me the romantic church relationships shrouded in secrecy?

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1 Comment »

  1. I think that you have touched on a couple of valid reasons in your discourse. I’m from the “Old School,” and I believe that if a single person is interested in marriage, then they should be actively involved in deciding what kind of spouse is desired, thinking about the roles that each will play in the marriage, how many children the single person wants and when, etc. Then begin to pray and speak those desires and thank God for the spouse, and prepare the atmosphere for the spouse’s arrival. When the spouse shows up, with all of my talking to God about it and expectation and preparation. I fully expect to have the witness in my spirit, if this particular person is THE ONE. At that point, I would want to keep it private, have one maybe two casual dates so that I can listen to the heart of the person and confirm what I heard God saying privately. If it is confirmed in my spirit, and the other person becomes sure by the second date,(because it doesn’t take long to sense a connection) then I would want to talk to only my pastors at some point soon. Personally, I know the devastation that church gossip can cause, especially in small churches. And yes, who cares what other people think, but at this point I don’t even want to hear what other people think, except my spiritual leaders. Marriage is a God ordained spiritual alliance and when two believers come together as man and wife, that couple becomes a double threat to the kingdom of darkness. Surely, evil will move to destroy the union. So I would want to protect the relationship in its infantcy as much as possible. I might even suggest that my pastor recommend another pastor to counsel me and my intended, or a Christian professional marriage counselor. If after thoroughly discussing our expectations and doing the necessary background checks, OH YES THATS WHAT I SAID, we decide to unite, then I would share with family and friends and church members. I don’t believe in long engagements either. Marriage is a serious, long term commitment that we tend to take far too lightly. And as believers we need to rely on the Spirit of God to give insight and approval. Trust this, it can spare us a multitude of hurt.

    Comment by righteouschoices — September 4, 2009 @ 10:39 am | Reply


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