The Loudmouth Protestant

October 8, 2009

Admitting My Deficit

Filed under: God,life,work — nickisym @ 6:01 pm
Tags: , ,

As of September I was ushered into a whole new world. A world with new horizons to be seen, but those new horizons and their view are costing me a whole lot more. High rent, it’s just a face of life for New Yorkers who barely eke out a living—assistants, journalists and anyone with a job that actually adds values to people’s lives. I have managed to not live in this whole new world for six happy years but now, I am a slave to higher rent. The exception to this is that what I get is actually worth what I pay for it, so I’m actually not complaining. This new world I live in is forcing me to be a little more disciplined with my spending—at least I am trying to be disciplined. Not as much eating out as a like. Not as many pretty dress acquisitions. It has even changed my perspective on going out on dates. I used to want a date to enjoy the company of another and now I want a date so that someone else, besides me, can foot the bill. (I bet fellow blogger, Jozen, would love to hear me say that considering I’ve been roasting him over the coals all week.) Anyways, times are a bit lean for me and I went into this whole new world knowing it would be. I also accepted paying higher rent as a test from God to see if I could become a disciplined steward over the resources he has given me. I will tell you now, as a steward, I completely suck–but I’m hoping to get better.

So today, the result of my whole new world and the tax bracket it placed me in came full circle when I had to concede defeat not once, but twice. You should know that I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to say no particularly when it comes to money. I like to think “Money Ain’t a Thang.” But today, money was a thang and the Ferrari or Jaguar didn’t switch four lanes because it broke down and I have laryngitis so screamin’ money ain’t a thang just ain’t an option.

Situation#1: Last Thursday we got the directive from leadership in the dance ministry that we are to wear grey tops and black bottoms to rehearsal. Here I am faced with the prospect of needing like 5-10 of each when I only really have 3 pairs of black rehearsal pants and 5 grey shirts in varying colors of grey. This was an unfortunate finding on my part. Last night as I was getting my clothes ready for rehearsal I realized all of my black bottoms are dirty and it isn’t an option to pull them out of the dirty clothes bag because they could actually smell since our rehearsals are intense. The morning comes around and I was presented with an opportunity to e-mail a member of leadership concerning something unrelated to clothes and being the kind of girl I am, I killed two birds with one stone, did what I was supposed to do and made an addendum to the memo where I let her know I would be showing up to rehearsal with a grey on grey outfit because I have no other recourse. I don’t have a washer/dryer in my deluxe apartment in the sky. I don’t have time to do laundry considering I work all day and then turn around to either work for myself, am in said dance rehearsal or doing something with other members of civilization. Of course, I mentioned that it isn’t fiscally responsible for me to buy new clothes when I’ve accumulated all the Large and Extra Large tops I can tolerate specifically for the ministry. I got no response on my grey on grey apparel, but we’ll see what happens tonight.

Situation #2: There’s a conference that I was asked to attend for work but said conference would require me to pay the reservation fee out of my surplus of which, at the moment, I don’t have because I had to give that over to the keeper of the land. So, in front of my boss and another colleague, when asked whether it would be ok to pay for it myself, I unashamedly said, “No, actually it’s not. I can’t afford to because I just paid my rent.” Sure, I felt a little embarrassed and humbled, but I did what I had to do. My boss went away to see if he could make some other way and it turns out that he could and I will not have to dig into non-existent coffers to gain knowledge for the company. Thank God.

So I share all of this to say that there is nothing wrong with admitting deficit in any area of your life. The admission of deficit could actually lead to your surplus. It’s all about being honest with yourself and others. Scripture says, “You have not because you ask not or you ask amiss.” Well, from now on, I will be asking because not having is a totally downer.

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