The Loudmouth Protestant

November 12, 2009

Celebrity Counsel: Carrie Prejean Edition

coun⋅sel[koun-suhl] noun, plural -sel for 3, verb, -seled, -sel⋅ing or (especially British) -selled, -sel⋅ling.

Theological definition: One of the advisory declarations of Christ, considered by some Christians as not universally binding but as given for aid in attaining moral perfection.

Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009

Loudmouth Protestant’s “Celebrity counsel” definition: Free celebrity advice with a spiritual bent to help keep said celebrity from lawsuits, the courthouse,  the jailhouse and the poor house.

Today’s Star Witness: Carrie Prejean

Last night Carrie Prejean appeared on Larry King to talk about her new book and dodge questions about her current thoughts on gay marriage and the settlement of her Miss USA case. During her night with the King she managed to tell him he was being inappropriate and attempted to run off the set when someone asked her about her views on gay marriage. So my first piece of celebrity counsel of Ms. Prejean is the following,

“Don’t go onto hardball journalism shows if you aren’t ready to play hardball. If you want to keep it safe than go to daytime television. Go to “The View”–ok, I take that back because a tribal counsel of women will throw several hardballs at once several times in one hour.”

Everyone knows Larry King. He is historic and his tenure suggests that he can ask you any question he pleases even if there was an agreement made with your publicist beforehand. Larry King trumps your publicist because not only does he make more than your publicist and he eats publicists for dinner, but he is the one that ensures that your publicist and you get paid because he helps you fulfill your contractual obligation to stay in the media spotlight even when you are irrelevant and not willing to answer simple questions because you have put your foot in your mouth on too many times. (Yeah that was a mouthful.)

But it’s not only this offense that I render counsel to Prejean for. A dear friend of mine, the inspiration for this new series on LMP, and author of the forthcoming book, “Save the Assistants“, Lilit Marcus sent me the link to an interview Carrie Prejean did with Christianity Today. They asked her a number of questions to which she had quasi-intelligent responses, but one question gave me pause.

CT: You wrote that you don’t regret getting breast implants. Have you ever wondered whether it might be incompatible with your Christian faith?

CP: No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.

Wrong, wrong, wrong Carrie! I mean, in one respect you are right. God didn’t talk about breast implants in the Bible. How could He? He hadn’t created it yet, although He knew very well that He was going to be the inspiration that would be behind the invention of silicone and the other chemicals they put in the little plastic baggies that are then inserted into women via deep incisions into their pre-existing conditions breasts. But then His creation went from something that was meant for good to something meant for evil in the site of vain men and women hoping to upgrade their already fearfully and wonderfully made bodies.

So Carrie, how do you justify getting breast implants when He is the one who put you together in your mother’s womb and predestined you for the greatness you seem determined to bungle by the misuse of your words and His. I am pretty certain that you were a woman who was fearfully and wonderfully made before the pageant committee and you, decided on the breast implants. I am actually pretty certain that you are still a woman who is fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of God. And that’s why I offer this second bit of counsel:

“Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Joshua 1:8

Yes, I know, those were the Lord’s words to Joshua following the death of Moses. God was telling Joshua that he must cleave to the book of the law in order for him to be fully vested in His power and the courage that he needed to lead the people of Israel into the land God promised them. What I am suggesting here is a contemporary intepretation of that verse specifically for Carrie Prejean. I confess, I know nothing of her biblical knowledge, but what I do know is that if one claims Christianity and a knowledge of the Bible and they are in the public eye, it is necessary to know your word and know it well so that you don’t decieve anyone through your ignorance. It may be accurate that the Bible doesn’t talk about breast implants, but the Bible also doesn’t say selling drugs is wrong and it is! It’s not so much about the specificity of a matter as it is about the principles that God has set forth.  There are guidelines about how we should treat out bodies because, after all, they are the temples of the Holy Spirit. Knowing your body is the temple, would you permit foreign substances to enter it and alter it in a way that God didn’t intend?

We have to be so careful about the words that come of our mouthes especially when we are claiming to be followers of Christ. There are people waiting to pounce on us when they realize we are ignorant about the faith we profess. So my suggestion to Carrie Prejean and to everyone, myself included, is to not let the book of the law depart from your mouth until you know it for real.

Now I’ve made this inaugural post of celebrity counsel long enough, but I just have one more bit of counsel for Carrie Prejean and every other aspiring celebrity author who hasn’t even hit 30. As you may well know, she released a book entitled “Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks”. This is part of the reason for her revival on our televisions, papers, magazines, blogs, and other mediums. Let it be known that I am a book lover, not a hater, but I do have a serious problem with the fact that anyone can cut a book deal and get a check nowadays without putting in the serious time to hone their writing craft or live a life worth writing about. This is not to say that Carrie Prejean’s life is not worth writing about, but I suspect that she hasn’t even seen anything yet for she is still very young and has a whole lot of living to do. I fear that her and people like her make themselves to be miniature idols who people worship for no good reason. So to this I offer my last bit of celebrity counsel:

“Don’t write a book until you are certain the life you have lived thus far is a life that is well worth writing and reading about while you are still living and not just because you are famous for being famous and making mistakes.”

Carrie, you have yet more living to do before you can write a book called “Still Standing.” The book detailing the life and times of Jesus wasn’t fully composed and bound until well after He left this earth. And even then, there are always addendums to the story. I know you have so much more ahead of you and that’s the only reason I don’t want the book because I don’t want to read about someone whose true story is yet complete. I’m not saying that books should only be written about the deceased. I am saying the ink hasn’t dried on your story yet, so it’s too early to put it down, bind it and sell it. The best is yet to come for you and I don’t want you to sell yourself short just because someone said they could give you a whole lot of money for writing about your incomplete life. Don’t sell yourself that short.

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