The Loudmouth Protestant

July 20, 2010

My Testimony: Part 1, I’ll Trust You

Filed under: life,love,prayer,relationships,Uncategorized — nickisym @ 8:00 am

This is a 2-3 part series on my testimony for the first half of 2010. Much has gone on with me this year and that’s why my writing has been sparse. I’ve had to let time pass, a healing take place before I could be in the position to share this with anyone. I hope that you will take this journey with me in reading these post through to the end for there is light at the end of this tunnel that I hope you will find just as exciting as I do. I thank you in advance for endeavoring to read and share this moment with me.

I’ll trust you. Lord it’s not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life, makes you seem far away. But I’ll trust you. I need to know you’re here. Through the tears and the rain, through the heartache and pain, I’ll trust you. “I’ll Trust You” James P. Fortune & Fiya

When I first heard James Fortune & Fiya’s “I’ll Trust You” I was driving a rental car in Atlanta a few years ago. I was eavesdropping on the song instead of listening to a conversation between friends and as I listened to the words, this song felt important to me, but I didn’t know why. It is a song about trust, the kind of trust you put in God when you have nothing left. At that moment I had everything. I had a job, I was in my right mind, I was surrounded by good friends and family, my life, overall, seemed to be on the right track.  But I heard this song everyday of my weekend in Atlanta and each day my ears perked up. As soon as I got home to New York, I downloaded it from iTunes and added it to my rotation. Little did I know how this song would impact my life years later…

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was talking with a close friend on New Year’s Eve about resolutions and about how I didn’t have any. The only thing I had resolved was to just do whatever God wanted me to do. I wrote in my journal:

“I don’t know what I hope for in 2010. Simply put, I don’t hope for anything but a change. A change in my life, my mind, my heart. A change in faith, to live a life full of faith. All I want to achieve is God having His way in my life. I admit that I have been living under the “ye of little faith” regime and admittedly I’m tired of professing a life full of God yet so void of Him. In 2010 I know I have to take some chances for God’s sake and just step out on faith. What is before me in 2010 requires that I take a step in the right direction. “You know where our feet go. You know where we are heading. You know our destiny.”

That was me the night before the first day of 2010. I didn’t have any other resolution I thought was as powerful as simply just resolving to put more faith and trust in God. Soon enough, just as I proclaimed those words to my friend, my journal and in my prayers, I was faced with living it out.

The beginning of 2010 found me in the position of spiritually giving myself to a man who came into my life on the first day of the year. He was an acquaintance from college who I had only had a few conversations with. I knew some of the things he was going through and he knew what I was preparing to go through and considering that, I became his intercessor and encourager as he prepared for a pivotal moment in his life. I dived in head first into helping him along on this process. In kind, he also prayed me through my process. Initially it was just praying, but with praying comes a heightened sense of intimacy which created between us a heightened emotional state that might have just been accelerated by the extremely intimate act of prayer we were engaging in daily for nearly two months. Before long, the question of feelings came into play and we were no longer on one accord. Though there was much mutual exchange of sweet sentiments and full disclosure between us, including the fact that I knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he wanted to straighten out  some things in his life, I held on. I held on because it seemed like I should, it seemed like he wanted me to. He even told me that he knew I deserved the best so he wanted to make sure he had things in order so that he could provide that. I wasn’t delusional about where things were going, but surely I was blindsided when, all of a sudden, he started to withdraw.

Not long after the flower petals and ink had dried on the hand-written letter he sent me extolling my virtues, not long after the morning texts and daily calls halted, I went from being an “integral part of his life”, “an amazing woman”, “a God send” to not being important enough to communicate with.  I became non-integral after his pivotal moment passed and I couldn’t have felt more devastated and used for it. I was back to where I started, alone. But, being alone, I had time to think and pray. Initially I took a fleshly approach and nearly begged him to re-consider me but then I realized that I could not change what GOD was doing–and that I don’t need to beg any man to be with me. I did need him to only be so thankful for the help that I gave him like the nine lepers who didn’t come back to thank Jesus after He healed them, because I needed to understand that a life in ministry to someone means that you will not always get the gratitude you deserve. I needed to see that while this man had some of the qualities I want in a mate, we were on two different levels of spiritual maturity. But most importantly, I needed this man to turn me down so that I could be turned over to a greater cause.

And so, as much as I suffered a broken heart and spirit, and as much as I thought that this was a man that I could see myself with, I had to TRUST that God knew what is best for me. I had to learn to take the power out of that man’s hands to break me and put it back in God’s hands to make me stronger. I had to make a step in what I thought was the right direction which meant stepping away from something I wanted in order to get what I really needed. God used that entire experience to not only strengthen me, but to propel me into my pivotal moment, the moment that would change my life forever…

To be continued tomorrow…


May 25, 2010

“Nothin’ On You” Girl vs. the Proverbs 31 Woman

I’m the whole package because Jesus of Nazareth.

I stay prayed up so nothing’s ever tragic.

I’m made by the creator, there is none greater.

I’m not trying to fool you, I’m just trying to school you.

If you want my number, better dial His first and go seek that water that can quench any thirst.

Yeah you’re fine and you seem really sweet, but I’m looking for a man who will practice what He preached.

My Remix of  B.O.B’s “Nothin’ On You”

Yeah I know, you probably came here really excited to know that there is a remix to B.O.B’s hit song “Nothin’ on You” and then were crestfallen to see it’s nothin’ you ever heard of. Sorry for deceiving you. I was compelled to write this remix after I heard the song and was caught up singing it for a whole day. While it is true that I AM “the whole package, plus I pay my taxes”, I considered that I don’t want to sell myself on that alone and there is more that speaks deeply to who I am. It’s easy to convince someone that they should be with you because you are beautiful, have a job, are charming, funny, etc. But, beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive, so says a scripture most of us are familiar with. 

I once had a man tell me that when he heard Proverbs 31 read in a church service, it immediately made him think of me. He read Proverbs 31:30 to me, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Being that Proverbs 31 woman is what most woman desire to be, but it’s quite another thing for someone else to identify the Proverbs 31 woman in you. At the moment he told me this I was speechless because before that I was too used to people being attracted to what their eyes saw and not what their spirit discerned about me.  It was largely one of the reasons why I fell so hard for that person, because he didn’t dwell on my outward appearance, he focused himself–as much as he could–on my inner woman.

As I write this I’m reminded that I’d rather someone see my heart, God’s heart and spirit within me, than my outward appearance. Admittedly, I do my fair share of  flaunting my beauty and charm, it’s human nature. But what I really desire is the person who can look past that and see more to me. That is what creates long-lasting, enduring love. I desire to be the person who doesn’t depend on her looks to get her by, but her character, her integrity, her faith, her heart, His spirit. That is attractive to me. I want and need to be more of the woman Peter spoke of when he said, “Do not adorn yourselves outwardly by braiding your hair, and by wearing gold ornaments or fine clothing, rather let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight.” I think we should all hope and pray to be the Proverbs 31 and the woman whose beauty is lasting because of a gentle and quiet spirit.

So, that’s my prayer, that myself and every other woman I know and don’t know would focus not just on being the “Nothin’ On You” girl, but the Proverbs 31 and the 1 Peter 3:3-4 woman.

May 4, 2010

Try Rethinking a Broken Heart

Filed under: God,life,love,relationships — nickisym @ 7:41 pm
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Last night I had a great discussion with my roommate about broken hearts. It has become a familiar topic in our household as I had one and she has one. She was sharing with me the pearls of wisdom that her mother bestowed upon her and I wanted to shared them with you. As she was pouring herself out to her mother about her broken heart, her mother had this to say (and this is a paraphrase):

“Your heart is too big to be broken, it is just fractured.”

I love how moms know exactly what to say and how to say it. I reflected upon her words for a while and came away with the fact that shifting our perspective from our hearts being broken to being fractured takes the power away from the person who we think broke out hearts. I realized that we can never be in the position to give another person that much power as to believe that they have broken the core part of our being. No one has that much power. It is in God that we live and move and have our being. I understand well that God is the mender of broken hearts, He is also the sovereign God of my life which means that no one has more power than Him. No created being can break my heart when it was in the creator’s hand to begin with. I’m just not willing to give anyone that much power. Not to mention, in terms of the healing process, fractures don’t take as long to heal as breaks do and we should want a quick recovery so that we can be open to what God really wants for us.

At the end of the day, it’s all about shifting our perspective on the issues of our hearts. We’ve become all too accustomed to talking about broken hearts. I know because my last few posts have had to do with broken hearts. But from this day forward, I’m rethinking a broken heart. I’m not entertaining a broken heart. And I’m definitely not sleeping with a broken heart. It’s time to move forward.

April 26, 2010

A Song for the Brokenhearted

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I felt compelled to share this verse and the song below because in my own circle there are people dealing with broken hearts and crushed spirits. I myself am on the other side of a broken heart and a crushed spirit and I can confidently say that if it had not been for the Lord who was on my side through the broken heart and crushed spirit, I might not even be able to deliver this message. But, I thank God that He didn’t let me mourn my loss for very long. Everytime I am tempted to be wistful and sad God quickens my spirit and says, “No no no babygirl, I need you to keep moving forward.” And I am moving forward. He’s been like a parent who keeps encouraging their child to get up after they’ve fallen off the bike–or even fallen when they are trying to learn how to walk. I have more to share about how I got over, but for now I will share this song that has ministered to me on countless occasions. I hope that it will minister to you too.

Check back tomorrow for my post on how to quickly mend a broken heart.

April 22, 2010

Dear Successful Black Woman

I watched you last night on Nightline talking about how you can’t find a black man and I felt sorry for you. I felt sorry for you because I feel like you are beating a dead horse on this matter of not being able to find a black man. It started out that black women couldn’t find a good black man and then you went and added that you’re successful and you think because of your success black men are intimidated and as such your success protracts your singleness. I think you err in your perspective on the state of black men for black women and let me share with you why.

Now that you are successful, you talk a lot about that success. While making partner at your law firm, getting your PhD, leading a corporation, designing your own fashion line, hosting your own television show, and running the world around you at large is a great thing, it by no means defines you and makes you more of a great catch for the black man you are looking for. Your acquisition of positions of power doesn’t automatically translate to you becoming the woman of some man’s dreams. Who will care about your success if you have a hard heart and don’t even know how to love a man because all you know is your work? It is incredible that we, as black women, can finally rise through the ranks and run businesses and get the corner office, but remember, black men are doing the same thing, so there are very few intimidated by your success. And, if they are intimidated by your success, that’s their personal problem and insecurity that they need to deal with and your red flag that you need not worry about having a relationship with a man who prefers to be intimidated by your success rather than celebrate it.  But on the other hand,  maybe they are turned off by your glorifying your success more than who you are as a person. You are not your career. Seriously. None of us are our careers, so we all need to get out of this habit of using our jobs to validate who we are because clearly jobs are here today and gone tomorrow.  I once listened to a man tell me why he loves women. He talked about how we smell, the curvature of our bodies, our softness, the way we touch, our voices, our spirits, how we move…nowhere in there did he mention anything about our jobs, he was more impressed with how God created us. It is who we are as women that makes us beautiful and attractive to a man, any man. Sure he wants us to handle business but he doesn’t want that business to be what we use to define ourselves. The Proverbs 31 woman handled her business, but it’s the way she handled it that made her a woman to be praised. She wasn’t wagging her finger and talking about what she did, she just did it and took care of her home and most importantly, loved God.

But your success, isn’t really the issue here. What gave me pause when I watched you last night is that you were so intent on complaining about not getting a black man that you said nothing about getting love. The black man is not the issue, it’s your concept of love that is the issue. What you want is love. What you don’t realize is love might not be with a black man. It might be with a white man, Asian man, Indian man, Hispanic man….And that’s what so sad about this entire discourse on the lack of black men for successful black women. We are raking our brothers through the coals while not realizing that all of us are not meant to marry a black man. Yes, many of us want to be with a black man, it is our ideal. But we don’t not live in ideality, we live in reality. The reality is that we are all looking for love and that is the heart of this matter. It’s not about a black man or a black woman, it’s about two people finding each other and finding love with each other. But to find love we have to take the limits off of it. And to take it one step further, many of us are believing God for our mate, and if we are believing Him for a mate, how do we figure restricting our Boaz to a black man is helping God do what He does best? God knows what is best for you. For some of you, best might be a black man. But maybe for others, best might be a white man. And yet for others, best might be by yourself because there is so much work–not professional work, but vocational work or self work–that God has for you to do that He’s going to need you to be single for a little while longer than you anticipated. Black women, if what we want is love and we are trusting God to bring it to us, then we are going to have to do better at surrendering ourselves to what that love may be and what it may look like. We have to stop talking about not being able to find a good black man or a black man period and talk about finding love. I know in my heart what you want is love and I know that if you stopped limiting your thoughts on how that love is packaged you might actually be in love.

We have to stop giving Nightline, Dateline, 20/20, Newsweek, Essence, etc fodder for stories that are old news. Clearly with all of the time we’ve spent talking about our singleness and the lack of good black men the statistics still haven’t risen in our favor. Because of that, I implore you to start pointing the finger at yourself and stop pointing it at black men. Yeah, they carry part of the blame, but the amount might be minute compared to how we play a role in our protracted singleness. It’s time to be real with ourselves and talk about what we really want. We want love. I know I want love and I want it however it comes to me by God’s hand. I declare, “I’m not looking for a black man, I am looking for love.” The latter has far more permanence than the former, after all, God is love and He is forever. I’m trying to find my forever, aren’t you?

January 26, 2010

This Valentine’s Day

Filed under: life,love,relationships — nickisym @ 9:20 pm
Tags: , ,

A dozen white rosesI bought these for myself on a whim while grocery shopping last night. I’ve always wanted someone to buy me flowers, someone I actually like. I’ve received flowers about four times in my life. Two of those bouquets came from female friends on the same day, the last day at my old job. One bouquet came from a young man who was trying to “holla” at me in college. I’ll admit, he did a good job with buying a dozen red roses and getting into my apartment to leave them on my desk. It was a nice touch, but sadly, I didn’t like him. And the last bouquet actually came from my last Valentine, which would seem like a good thing, but it really wasn’t. This Valentine’s Day, I want flowers.

I’ve danced a lot in my lifetime, by myself, in big groups, facing a man, not facing a man, but the most memorable moments were the slow dances. They always took place with people I remember to this day. There were the slow dances that took place at high school homecomings and proms; the dances that happened at parties in college; the dances that happened in my room—get your mind out of the gutter; each of those dances I remember. They were slow, intimate, deliberate, sentimental, gentle, memorable. I remember them all. This Valentine’s Day, I want the slow dance. The real one, not the bump n’ grind one to Trey Songz’s “Invented Sex”.

I’ve only had one Valentine in my 29 years of life. Hopefully I am not forgetting one, but if I am, I suppose that means it wasn’t that memorable. This one Valentine wasn’t even necessarily someone I liked a whole lot, but, he pulled out all the stops buying me the dozen roses, the card with writing that went beyond just “Heart John Doe”, the dinner that wasn’t modest for a college student’s budget and I seem to recall a slow dance. Yeah, all that from someone I wasn’t even in love with, but I remember it well because he thought enough of me to do those things. Eight years later—I’m telling on myself—I hope for something different this Valentine’s day.

As my dear friend Jovian put it, “I typically don’t get overwhelmed with the hype of Valentine’s day”, but I had to come clean this year.  I’ve come a long way since I was dressed in all black like the omen on Valentine’s Day. I’m a little more like India.Arie in my readiness and El Debarge in what I’m waiting to give. This Valentine’s Day, I just want things to be different. Ideally I want to wake up on Sunday February 14th and, with the joy of the Lord in my heart, I want to think about someone and get butterflies because I know, without a doubt, someone is thinking about me too. Everything I said I wanted above, is everything I am more than willing to give. I just want Valentine’s Day, for once, to be different than it has ever been…

December 16, 2009

All the Single Ladies…And Men “Wait”

Filed under: music,relationships,waiting on God — nickisym @ 11:00 am
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I know that everyone is tired of hearing that chorus, but luckily I am not pushing the latest in Beyonce parodies. Not even close. I wanted to share the lyrics to a song I heard yesterday by Christian rap artist Lecrae. “Wait” is an ode to a girl in a relationship with the wrong guy and the primary red flag of this relationship is the fact that she has compromised her relationship with God to be with the guy. I felt compelled to share this because I am getting the feeling that there are alot of people out there compromising their relationship with God because they so desperately want a relationship with a man or a woman. They are tired of waiting.

I say this not as a woman sitting on a pedestal and looking down on anyone. No, I say this as a woman who has definitely had moments were I grew weary of waiting and had the opportunity to entertain relationships and even loose associations with people who aren’t in a relationship with God. And when I say relationship, I don’t mean that they know how to go to church on Sunday, pray before bed and can recite John 3:16. No, I’m talking about the kind of relationship with God where Sunday is a necessity not an obligation. Prayer is a requirement not a tradition. And scripture is daily bread not something seen on a t-shirt. Nevertheless, this isn’t about my take on unequally-yoked relationships and the danger of getting involved with a man or a woman who would compromise God’s best for you. So, without further delay–too late–I give you the lyrics to “Wait”.


by Lecrae

That man don’t love you like he need to

If he ain’t following Christ, he can’t lead you

I ain’t tryin’ to deceive you

I know he look better than most men

But without Christ, looks are no reason for bragging and boasting

You got your heart on him

Now you can’t depart from him

You knew from the beginning not to even start on him

Compromising your faith for sex

Hurting yourself and God

Cause you outside of marital context

What’s next?

Mami show respect for your body

Instead of getting naked and naughty

Like sex is a hobby

You know what you’re supposed to do

Let him loose and cling to the God that wants to get close to you

You’ve been blessed as a chosen few

Mami, if ain’t rollin’ wit Christ

Then don’t let him roll wit you

Cause you’ve been blessed as a chosen few

And if ain’t rollin’ wit God

Then don’t let him roll wit you


I know you’re the apple of momma’s eye

A star in your daddy’s sky

But God knows you living a lie

You giving a guy, everything your husband deserves

It’s absurd

Don’t follow your feelings, just follow The Word

You wanna be in a relationship

Well, you can give him your all, but how deep can the relations get

If your God’s on the sideline

You won’t be happy I promise

Until you understand, that God is the lifeline

He ain’t pleased with lust

So even if it feels right

Remember, he ain’t pleased with us, when we

Let our emotions loose without a ring on the finger

It’s only gonna come back to sting ya

Don’t let the singers sing you sweet lullabies

Without giving The King’s sweet love a try

It ain’t none better

Who else you know,that would give up his life

Just to love you forever


I know you thought that ya’ll could win together

Ya’ll been together

But all ya’ll do is sin together

You’re wasting your own time

You keep deceiving your mind

Saying that this is part of God’s design

Knowing he treating you good

Know his ways is nice

But he can’t love you like he should

He’s not engaged to Christ

And you know this ain’t the man for you

But you hold on like God ain’t got better plans for you

The whole worlds says ‘you should be dating’

God says you should be serving him while your patiently waitin’

Everybody rushin and racin

Huggin’ and kissin’ and hold hands, all before their days end

Yea, I know it’s hard but TRUST

I wouldn’t waste my breath on this song if it wasn’t a MUST

The same God that made you

The same God that died for your sins and saved you

HE ain’t tryin’ to play you, WAIT!


Your ready to go’..wait!

Can’t take no more’.wait!

I know it’s hard but, God is never late

Don’t follow your feelings’wait!

Just follow HIS Will and’..wait!

Girl, serve the Lord and don’t anticipate.


December 15, 2009

Bloglight: Then Comes Wife

Filed under: Bloglight,relationships — nickisym @ 12:00 pm

This is the inaugural post of what I hope will be a recurring section here at Loudmouth Protestant. The “Bloglight” will spotlight cool blogs that I am come across. It’s not enough for me to add a blog to my blogroll, no, I’d rather tell you why I think it’s interesting and hope you will find it interesting enough to check out for yourself. Besides, I believe the spotlight always gets shined on blogs that lack true creativity and great content, and I want to be the one to lead the people to the promised land of great, substantive blogs. Here is the first bloglight:

A friend of mine introduced me to Then Comes Wife  about a week ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. The blogger, Melanie Burge, a newlywed living in Manhattan, has dedicated her blogging space to her journey as a Christian wife. Her writing style is educational for the woman who is on her way to the altar (Check out her Q&A section), inspirational for the one who is waiting for the man to find her so she can go to the altar (look out for tips from Burge’s upcoming book, “God Where Is My Husband?”) and aspirational for the women who has already been to the altar and is creating a home for her and her husband (check out her recipe section, “What’s Cooking?”).

My favorite section of this blog, the section that got me hooked in the first place, is “What’s Cooking?” which offers step-by-step recipes for some of the delicious meals she prepares for her husband. The recipes are great–well they look great, but the pictures look even better. The one below captured my heart and made me promise to fix it for my family at this year’s Christmas dinner.

No Wack Mac & Cheese from Then Comes Wife

I’ll let you know how the mac and cheese turns out, but in the meantime, since there are quite a few days until Christmas, go over and support Then Comes Wife.

November 2, 2009

Missed Connection: Part 2

This morning as I was waiting for the train, I encountered a reminder of a personal fail/lesson. You’ll remember a few weeks ago I mentioned a young man in my neighborhood whom I had a moderate crush on. The particular morning that I saw him and had the personal fail/learned lesson, is the morning another young lady from the neighborhood swooped in and caught his attention. I hadn’t seen either of them since that day, until today.

When I arrived on the train platform, the two of them were standing together. He, still in his autumnal glory, her, still in her talkitiveness, but they were together. The context of their togetherness I know nothing of. But it looked like they arrived at the platform together. So there they were and there I was by myself. Well, not literally by myself. A good friend whom read that same post about Earth Tones was with me and as we approached them I told her that they were the subject of my previous post. She lambasted me, in the nicest way possible, for not putting my foot in the game. She too agreed that he was quite the catch and now, sadly, looks caught.

I made my way to the next train exactly how I did when these two met each other. I was trailing him. But this time around Chatty Cathy fell behind. I had hope for one second that he was trying to lose her to steal a moment away with me, but as we approached the top of the stairs he let the crowd pass and waited for her like a knight in shining armor. There he was at the top of the stairs patiently waiting for her and there I was passing him by. She rejoined him and continued to talk–I feel like he doesn’t talk nearly as much as she does but he seems to like her loquaciousness nonetheless.

So there it is. I don’t have a “moral of the story” for this one. Maybe the moral of the story is continuing to be happy for someone else’s gain as I learned on part one of this trip. If that’s what it is, then I shall be happy for her and for him since if he wasn’t meant for me, even to just meet and greet for one moment in time, and that’s the way God would have it, who am I to argue? Here’s to happiness to the happy couple. Back to the drawing board–which actually does have other sketches that I’ll share in just awhile.

Until then, be blessed.

September 4, 2009

You’re My Little Secret…in Church

Filed under: christians,church,love,relationships — nickisym @ 9:14 am

Earlier this week I was having a discussion with my roommate about romantic relationships in the church. Specifically, people’s need to keep their relationships secret until they announce their engagement. Why is that necessary? I’m not knocking the process and truth be told, I may do the same thing. But I want to know why people find it necessary, almost like it’s a part of some unofficial protocol, to keep their relationships within the church a secret.

I have heard from some people that they keep it secret because they don’t want the haters intercepting their relationship, but really, if it’s a relationships that God ordained, no man can put it asunder. All this coming in separate cars, walking in at different times, sitting on opposite sides of the church, and the like seems tiring.

Some people stay undercover because they are still trying to figure out what they are. Ok, that’s fine, but in the midst of trying to find out what you are to each other, wouldn’t it be helpful to let some folks know so at the very least they can offer wise counsel and pray for you?

I think that people think that as soon as they get into a relationship in the church they automatically think people are going to be in their business. Not just people, an entire congregations worth. Maybe I am naive, but I just don’t believe that many people care. Yes, there will be naysayers and there will be people who will still try to try their luck with you, but I know we are all stronger than our adversaries. Who cares what other people think about your relationship? Outside of your pastor, your parents and your closest friends, everyone else’s opinion is inconsequential.

And maybe there is something I am missing, like a Bible verse that says when a man and woman meet and date in the sanctuary they should hide it from the world outside of them until that time when God has let them know that it shall be a union in marriage. I don’t know. It’s just one of those things that makes me go, “Hmmm…”

Plus, when men and women who are dating each other, don’t at least send a smoke signal that they are in a relationship–like the ones who are dating but have yet to change their Facebook status to “In a Relationship” they are deceiving us single folks that are still looking at them like there is some hope. So if not for the haters, let folks know you are dating–we don’t have to know who–but just let us know so we can keep it moving.

But really, can someone explain to me the romantic church relationships shrouded in secrecy?

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