The Loudmouth Protestant

April 15, 2010

“Everybody Gets Theirs Except Me”

Filed under: God,life,love,work — nickisym @ 4:44 pm
Tags: , ,

I went through a rough patch in life during the first quarter of this year. I experienced the highs of a new man in my life and then the lows of his departure. The highs of coming close to a realization of my purpose in God and the lows of the uncertainties about how to walk forward. The highs of being happy and the lows of being sad. What has taken me from these highs to the lows is a central theme that has been pervading my life, “Everyone gets theirs except me.” A dear friend pointed out to me that she has seen that theme persist in my life. She told me that I’m always talking about someone getting theirs except me. She shared this on the heels of a breakdown I had last night because I felt that everyone was getting theirs except for me. The man I met earlier this year got his when he started seeing someone else not too long after deciding things wouldn’t work with me. Someone else (multiple someone elses) got theirs at work when they got promotions and not me. As it pertains to my purpose, someone got more resources to move forward than I did. This feeling got the best of me last night and reared its ugly head, sending me into a place filled with tears of sorrow and crippling me to the point where I couldn’t even pray. I just turned out the lights and went to sleep.

I’ve always felt passed over in life. It started at a very early age when I was given up for adoption. Later in life this notion of being given up would manifest itself into “never feeling good enough” and  “always being left behind” by people in life. I felt everyone was getting theirs except me. The marriage, the job, the money, the success, the acknowledgment, etc, etc. But I’ve had this feeling for far too long and now I realize, thanks to my dear friend, that I can no longer walk through life holding this against others, myself and most importantly, my God. The more I complain about others getting theirs except me, the more I discount what God is doing in my life and how He is doing it.

Someone else may get the guy while I remain single, but I have no idea whether God is preparing me for something better than what I had or if I was even ready for that man in particular. Maybe that is just not what God had for me but He needed to show me what isn’t for me so that when He sends what is for me I would know better. God protects us and He prepares us.

Someone else may get promoted before me but maybe it’s not for me to be promoted. Maybe there is more that is required of me in my current role before I am promoted. Maybe if I get a promotion I’d get too comfortable or lose the humility I had when I was in a lower position. Maybe giving me a promotion wouldn’t allow me to truly step out on faith in other areas of my life because I’d just be too comfortable in my new position. Maybe God just needs to show me that promotion doesn’t come from the east or the west but from above. He knows what’s best for us.

Someone gives me up for adoption but what I don’t realize is that being given up is the best thing that has ever happened in my life–after Jesus of course. If I wasn’t given up, I might not have the life and love I have right now for the parents who raised me in a very natural way. Being given up was not about my biological mother getting hers. Well, in a way it was. It was about her getting her life in a better place and getting her priorities in line enough to know she wasn’t ready to take care of me. She couldn’t give me her best, but she knew that if she gave me up, I could be better positioned to get the best. God knows all about giving things up to make things better. He gave His only begotten son so that we would not perish and have everlasting life. Of course He knew that my being given up would only lead to a better life. My not getting the man would leave me open to receive His best man. My not getting the promotion positions me for a greater opportunity beyond what a job can offer.

“Everyone gets theirs except for me”, will no longer be the theme of my life. Instead it will be how I remember to give thanks to God. It will be how I remember that in other people getting theirs, I must take note of the fact that God has given each of us a separate path to reach our goals in Him. It will be how I remember that in being passed over for a promotion my patience is being perfected in God for what He wants to promote me to. It will be how I will remember not to hold grudges against those who gave me up because in giving me up they have left me open to receive something better. It will be how I remember to give God all the honor, the praise and the glory for withholding things from me because only He knows when I’ll be ready for the man, for the promotion and for His purpose. Only then will I be able to say, “Everyone got theirs, but I got mine, in God’s time.”

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